Today is difficult. There have been many days like this. And many more await me. Moments of uncertainty. Moments of doubt. Moments of fear.
But I want it to be known that I will not be difficult on myself. I’ve set up a precautionary introspective buffer to prevent that. I will not blame myself. I will not blame others. I will take my emotions as they come; they will not be suppressed.
So I want to channel this positively and write about what I find comfort in- to help someone; to help myself.
I find comfort in:
- having my shit together : when one thing is falling apart, I find refuge in other areas of my life. I work hard to have all the things I have control over, in order. Disclaimer: it still does not fill the void.
- prayer : keeps you calm, keeps you focused. Even if you just pray around the issue rather than address it directly- God still wants to hear from you.
- solitude : intimate moments with myself where I can dissect my thoughts and talk myself in and out of things- the sweetest moments.
- friends : all my angel, sister girls- what does one do without you? Thanks for showering me with endless wisdom; even when I’m stubborn with my decisions. You still catch me everytime I fall. Bless you.
- repair : i met someone wonderful this week who reminded me that you don’t need to throw it away if it doesn’t work- fix it! Fix it, Jesus.
- the future : a lot of this stuff doesn’t last forever. I’m reminded of this- There are far greater things ahead of us than what we leave behind. How scary is that!? You want to hang on to a lot of what you thought was the best you could do. But how beautiful to know that there’s more where that came from. May the best of your past be the worst of your future.
I will look back and be thankful.
© Tessy Maritim
Life moves quickly. So swiftly, that it’s easy to miss the things, people and events that make life worthwhile. I’ve decided to create a new section of my blog, to share, appreciate and reflect on each month.
I’m grateful for:
A visit – There’s something so fulfilling about being in the company of people who reflect you and where you aspire to be. I make no apologies for the fact that I have a carefully curated circle of friends. They create an environment in which I can be myself and share openly. So I was so happy to have friend(s) visiting at both the start and end of the month. One is a new friend while the other is an old friend. My new friend, in actions and without saying, reminded me what it means to be in touch with yourself. Introspection and authenticity is so rare in people so if you find it, hold on to it- well, as much as you can anyway. My old friend and I asked ourselves what we would do if we weren’t afraid- and then proceeded to make objectives for the summer based on them. I’ll feedback on them here in September!
A throwback– A few months ago I mentioned that I was planning on deleting my old blog. I can’t tell you how uncomfortable it is reading things I’ve written in the past. There’s so much I disagree with and so much I feel I could have expressed better. But it’s also so refreshing to re-visit certain times in my life and empathise with myself. Just from going through my old blog, I’ve resolved to try and be a bit more open on this blog. I want my emotion to be felt. You can check out my old blog here, as long as you promise not to laugh. Shout out to my girl Benja for ensuring I didn’t delete it! Love you.
A goodbye– My term as Diversity Officer of the University of Manchester Students’ Union, and by default, my time living in Manchester, have ended. I’m sad to leave what have been four of the most thrilling years of my life but also know and feel that it is truly time to move on. You can check out more reflections here.
An opportunity– I attended the Aspire Trailblazing Women’s conference in London towards the end of the month. Aside from the wonderful opportunity to speak on a panel at the event, I also volunteered for the conference and experienced the immense effort and planning it takes to put together such a valuable forum. After the conference, I spent a day in London just enjoying the city vibes – there’s something so inspiring about being in London. I love it!
Thank you, June.
© Tessy Maritim
Remember when you were in Year 6, and someone tried to copy the picture you were drawing? If you were cheeky like me, you’d be doing your best to slyly cover your paper so that your classmate couldn’t keep glancing over at your work.
Much like that scenario, as an adult, I’ve found myself being very protective over my ideas. I want what is mine to remain mine. However, this possessiveness is highly problematic.
Firstly, I challenge the notion that there is such a thing as your idea. There’s really nothing new in this world. Ideas- they’ve all been done somewhere. There’s a verse in the bible that says “What has been done will be again; there is nothing new under the sun” (Ecclesiastes 1:9). The difference is in the method- people find new ways of doing old things. Events, places and even people inspire ideas.
Secondly, competition is great. Anyone trying to do similar work to yours will always challenge you to find what is unique about what you do. We’re all unique in the way we do things and so naturally, execution of ideas will often be different.
Finally, touching on purpose which I spoke about in my last post, what’s yours will always be yours. No one can take that away from you. I strongly believe that if something or someone is supposed to be part of your destiny, it will be. That doesn’t mean we become sitting ducks. Purpose requires us to step into a realm that allows it to operate. If you want to be an author someday, are you writing somewhere now to practice? If you aspire to be a stellar athlete, do you practice your sport consistently?
I’m not sure my Intellectual Law professor would be particularly proud of this post. That being said, the law is there for when you think you and your ideas need protection. Please use it if necessary.
© Tessy Maritim